#so i have no idea where to even start with that lmao
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Could you give us more about trans Time? (If that’s okay!)
Love that hc btw, it makes me really happy ^^
hell yes i can!! I love trans Time, trans that man's gender. oot link is like the vibes of transgenderism compressed into one single silly little guy (gender neutral). however people trans oot link's gender is always correct in my mind (i personally hc him to be ftm but i really do love seeing any version of him that's not cis)
im gonna apologize rn for any typos or oddly autocorrected words im dyslexic and my laptop works against me sometimes lmao
anyways not sure what exactly you wanted to know (and feel free to ask more questions!!) but i think this was in reference to my modern au post so!!:
Time was born in the late 70s (since the au takes place in present day and he is a good 25 years older than Twi), so growing up he didn't really see a whole lot of trans people who could've helped him realize he was trans sooner, especially because his childhood was mostly him having an awful time with his physical health and arguing with his father for the chance to go to public school and not be homeschooled like his siblings (he is the youngest of 6) because he didn't get along with all of them and wanted to meet new people
Looking back on it NOW he can recognize he realized he was trans when he was like, 12, but at the time he didn't really know what that was and just cut his hair short and didn't understand why he got so happy when people mistakenly called him a boy
There was a period of time where he was confused and thought he was a lesbian (he is bisexual) and he dated Ruto for like a year in high school but they kinda ended up becoming friends instead (they're STILL friends), and then he dated Sheik, who is a trans man, and the realization hit him like a bus
He graduated high school and then just kinda dipped off the map, he didn't realy have friends (besides Ruto, and MALON considered them friends but he didn't realize she liked him that much) so he didn't really keep in contact with people except for Sheik (he was also doing pretty bad physically at this point in time), but he started socially transitioning around 18 and was able to start medically transitioning around 20. Not all his siblings were super accepting, and he's completely cut contact with one of them, but his sister closest to him in age who was his best friend growing up was his biggest supporter
(this modern au takes place in a modernized Hyrule kingdom loosely based on where I live because obviously where I live is the best idea I have of how modern sociey works since I'm living in it, lmao, but Hyrule kingdom was a little more progressive in the late 90s and while gender affirming care wasn't SUPER easy to access, it WAS accessable. the main issue for Time was transphobia from his oldest brother and the people from his INCREDIBLY tightknit town, because outside of that people didn't know he was trans)
Malon was fully aware he was trans because she met him before HE realized that, so when those two got together he didn't have to worry about telling her or anything. And they WERE going to adopt kids at some point, but then Time's sister died and her husband had passed away too and she'd written in her will that she'd wanted Time to take care of her baby (Twi), because she wanted him to have a wonderful environment growing up and she trusted Time more than their other siblings even though they'd all already settled down and had their own kids and were experienced parents (also to be fair, she didn't expect to die and leave her 13 month old an orphan. it was just an IN the event of her death kinda thing, she very much would've rather been able to raise her kid herself)
Time doesn't really give two fucks about passing, not anymore, he wears what he wants, but most people DO assume he's a cis man because he's decently tall and has a deeper, monotoned voice. Transphobia does still exist in Hyrule Kingdom, though it's not as bad as it was when Time was a kid, and also the city where the boys' apartment in is incredibly LGBTQ+ friendly (not that that means homophobia and transphobia don't exist, it's just a much safer area to be out that other places in the kingdom) so he doesn't ever feel like he has to HIDE being trans. He goes to pride parades sometimes (when he knows he won't get overwhelmed) and he and Malon are definitely that older couple who give out free supportive parent hugs to people who really need it
Legend in this au is also a trans man, and I wouldn't call Wild cis but he's amab and uses he/him pronouns at the moment while he figures things out (he's also perfectly fine with they/them)
#hitting the blorbos with the transgenderification beam to cope with the current state of america#jes's miscellaneous modern au#lu time#jes ask
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if Crozier had a nickel for every time someone close to him kept a mortal wound secret from him he'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's definitely enough to give him some very specific trauma for the rest of his life
#blankzier#fitzier#The Terror#Francis Crozier#I must say generally I think we are all collectively sleeping on some very interesting parallels between Blanky and Fitzjames......#I'm a lieutgirlie so this really isn't my department but I wanted to start some thoughts percolating within smarter people's brains on this#Also someone PLEASE write a fic where they both survive and he becomes paranoid about their health and safety QwQ#I want it now even though it would surely destroy me.........#Starky's original posts#Starky's text posts#as I said of course I am a lieutgirlie and the parallel of Edward and Crozier both ''losing two friends in one day'' is just diabolical#and one of my favorite things in the world to imagine is Ned becoming absolutely neurotic about Hodge n Jirv in a survival AU#just full on needs to have at least one and preferably both of them in his line of sight at all times or he starts hyperventilating#and I think the idea of Crozier feeling like that would also be very interesting and even more complicated#because he'd be much more successful than Edward (typical) at being self aware and repressing it which only makes it worse naturally lmao#and also because Blanky and Fitzjames definitely seem like the types who would chafe at that sort of thing lol#whereas I think tbqh Hodge and Jirv would be so messed up they'd be only too happy to embrace the codependency <3 yay <3#To Have And Have Not Lieutenant OT3 Version. Find it in ao3 bookstores whenever I manage to actually finish writing it.#christ look at all those tags. OP make a post about something without mentioning the Lieutenants challenge. failed catastrophically.
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[ID: a drawing of pye from outer wilds, standing with her writing staff. she's wearing an orange nomai space suit without the helmet, and she has a light brown face with curly darker brown fur. end ID]
figuring out how i want to draw the nomai, so here's a pye since i am obsessed with her !!!
#outer wilds#pye#she was one of the easiest to start recognizing across text because she is involved in so many different things#but then i saw the scroll where she was calculating trajectories to the sun station and i Was in love immediately#and i love that the sun station was designed (by the game artists not by pye) to look more weapon-like than anything else the nomai built#as a way to show how it goes against their nature to do something so destructive and high risk#and since pye is the one kind of leading that and being so vocally For it it implies that she is also acting against nomai nature#but i dont think thats necessarily true!! a majority of the nomai agreed or else the idea would have been voted down#(even tho it did spark arguments)#and the oldest nomai recording we have access to is from escall making a split second decision to warp to an unknown place#just to follow a signal the group was curious about and it put them in danger!!! that killed people!!!#like i know its more about the potential damage to the solar system and the life there but#throwing caution to the wind for scientific discovery is very much nomai nature From What I Saw !!!#not that i am saying the game creators are wrong lmao but i mean like. i think it is against their nature AND so very exactly their nature#at the same time and thats why there Was so much debate about it#and i think pye is the embodiment of trying Everything Possible (and impossible) to find answers and learn#AND SHE IS SEXY FOR IT#ANYWAYS. clears throat#blow up that sun girl hashtag women in stem
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A little creative summary for the year ✨ (Template)
Even though I'd done art inspired by/for others before, it was my first time doing proper trades and projects together -- thank you for including me :D
As for writing, I was worried about my thesis next year since I'll be rewriting most of my novel which is a lot to do in a single year..... until I realized I posted 83,794 words for fun in 2024.... 😅 (11,259 words of longfic projects, 54,642 words in drabbles, 17,893 words in creative but explanatory posts, and who knows how many in wips/unposted things :0)
Though writing on here may slow down bit with my thesis, there's no way you can stop me from working on fic completely 😂 I also have some translyric projects I want to complete within the year, as well as the usual art ideas I'm plagued with haha!
#im actually super surprised#the second half of this year seemed to FLY by and i was under the impression i did a lot less creatively than usual#and then i started checking and im pretty sure its way more writing than my average year???#apparently total words would be about 200 pages which is where my novel draft is at now#so even a 100% rewrite is doable holy shit#i tried not to include slutty fuuta but he Still made it in 💀(because my only other oct piece was the hello charlotte edits which#felt more like etherane's art than mine)#some spillover into 2025 is i have one more es drabble coming soon and some art that was requested#some good ole fucked up milgram art and a big fuuta project that spiaraled way out of control from the original request sdfsdf#my goal is to finish my choice story before the end of t3 which gives me plany off time but that may not mean this year depending#some of the translyrics are touched up versions of the ones ive posted but i have so many ideas for new ones and im not letting it slip by#like they did this entire year 😅#thanks for sticking around and enjoying all my silly little things! heres to another year of them lmao#rose rambles
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there r a lot of things about the myth of psyche and eros that makes me a little insane but one of them has always been the tasks from aphrodite and the unfairness of it. they're not intended to be possible. they're so obviously not meant to be possible, and psyche isn't fucking hercules, you know, she's not a demigod or whatever, she's mortal and these aren't mortal tasks!! it's why psyche has to be helped with each one, fucking by like ants and river gods and shit. and so like. idk. i know ppl see psyche and eros as like a story about love and shit which obviously it is but as a kid psyche and eros always felt like a story about being able to accept help
#in my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i'll never write i emphasize this theme#by changing psyche from a princess and youngest daughter to a poorer girl and eldest daughter who is very like. sophie hatter esque#also tbh when i first started thinking about my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i was reading hmc LMAO#also also ALSO. as a kid i always felt like the story was soooo deeply about regret and atonement and forgiveness#like YES the story is about love but not about easy love. love is difficult and requires work and sometimes u hurt each other !!!!!#it always struck me as a kid how psyche just. accepts the tasks.#i always read it as like. psyche KNOWS these tasks are unfair and i dont even think she expects to achieve them#but she accepts them anyways because she so deeply regrets what she did to eros and has no idea what else she can do.#am i verbalizing this well or have the worms eating my brain reached an irreversible point#also tbf im pretty sure the version i read as a kid didnt include the multiple times psyche tries to kill herself LMAO.#but we're ignoring that because i love the idea that shes just. so aimless and resigned to the tasks#ALSO on eros' side of things#i dont have like proper analysis about it but as a kid i saw eros hiding his face as like. fear?#like. fear that the person he loves will think he's a monster if he reveals his true self. or somethin. which also. i think is very queer#also very beauty and the beast. for obvious reasons since it was based on psyche and eros lmao#oh also. i already mentioned it but psyche and hercules r so similar.#did something unforgivable to a loved one --> given multiple impossible tasks to atone for it etc etc#i dont have any real analysis abt it i dont remember a lot abt hercules tbh but. yah#ALSO. okay i think retellings of hades and persephone where theyre totally in love and stuff r kinda tired.#BUT. in the theoretical adaptation i always imagined a scene where psyche does the last task where she goes to the underworld#and shes tired shes soso tired#and she goes to persephone and persephone is gentle and motherly which aphrodite has Not been to psyche#and i think if persephone is unkidnapped and truly in love w hades#then i think there could be a fun parallel between persephone and psyche in which like. theyre both in love w ppl#who are seen as monsters. and shit. or whatever#anyways. idk what made me think abt this again. ACTUALLY i do know i might write a twine for the neotwiny game jam#and it might be inspired by psyche and eros#anyways. lmao#jc.txt
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No no ikr. The ENT fandom is so quiet around here. And honestly I'm just excited to see art of my favourite dudes, because we rarely get fanart around here, and when we do it's usually Trip or T'Pol solely. Malcolm gets left in the dust quite a lot so I'm happy you drew him as well - and so well done too!
Anyway, ramble over, lol.
OMG... Well I think I can see why a lot of fanart is of Trip and/or T'pol (those two seem like they're doing some heavy lifting for the show/are just a lot of people's faves. I've got a few half baked ideas in mind for them myself.) but the rest of the crew as a whole do deserve more love I think! :]
#(I'm hijacking this ask to talk about some ENT thoughts in the tags LMAO sorry 😭🙏)#I've been watching it for the first time with some friends who are also watching it for the first time with me like 90% of the time.#When Reed was introduced we did our silly little “omg. why is he british 😰” jokes but personally-#he has grown on me a lot. Very much my type of character so far I think... :]#ive got a few sketches involving him that wont see the light of day because they require five levels of inside jokes from my watch party 😭#but god. for the most part I like all the main crew characters#the only one I'm not 100% on is archer and i dont even know how to articulate why.#like I don't HATE him. but he is also very fun to dunk on.#and i enjoy scott bakula very much. its crazy how like. not intriguing or charming I find his depiction of archer mmmmmost of the time#which sucks bc i KNOW it could be awesome. but its not really there for me yet.... oh well.#but god. i wish i could go back in time and force some improvements into the way the show was handled.....#my list of demands. quit the excessive sexualisation of t'pol and hoshi. can we PLEASE stop underutilising mayweather. and honestly-#i think a bit more dramatic visual variety between the main human cast would help a bit#now its time to end MY ramble yet again 😭 i feel like if i talk about ent for too long i'll inevitably start complaining-#despite me still having a mostly enjoyable time... all that stuff just really feels kicked up to 11 compared to previous treks tho 😔#but its only bc i care 💔 i see so much potential where the writers really borked their shit#telegraff#themurdochmemesteries#i might get around to a few more doodles or meme redraws but i can never guarantee anything when I have a whole queue of stuff-#that needs to be done before I can draw whatever I want. but by god. the ideas and concept drafts are there. 💪💪💪😤#:] <3
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slowly I'm recovering the beauty of discovery
(creature by half•alive)
(textless + timelapse below cut)
#yellowart#subnautica#i feel like the timelapse is kinda long but also this did take a long time to make#anyways. let me yap about the meanings of all the panels <3#'i am creation' -> the ocean being the source of life and where shit evolved from also a good way to sort of 'set the scene' for subnautica#'both haunted' -> GHOST leviathan; in the BONE fields#'and holy' -> this one was a bit trickier. debated about using the emperor but i knew i wanted to use her elsewhere#also debated hoverfish because its cute and well liked so i thought that would be funny for 'and holy'#also something something jesus walking on water also makes it fitting. in the end though i decided on a peeper with the enzyme trail#and i *tried* to make it loop over its head like a halo but idk how well that imagery came through. still mentioned it in the alt text tho.#'made in glory' -> was REALLY torn about this one. on the one hand i wanted to have like a picture of the code because something something#divine machine and it being made out of code making it inherently holy or something; but i wasnt sure if that would be too#'immersion breaking' since most of the stuff in this is like in game stuff i wasnt sure if acknowledging that it was a game would be#too much. my other idea was to draw a couple of creature eggs like a stalker egg and a spadefish egg or something; but in the end i just#went with the one that i personally thought was cooler so if you think it does feel out of place uhhhh sorry i guess lmao.#also yes that is code from the game. idk shit about programming i just think code shit is cool so i poked though a modding tutorial til i#found what it is they use to look at that shit and started poking around. its pretty cool tbh. anyways the specific part i chose for the#drawing was something under the peepers; i think its the bit that tells the enzyme peepers to do the enzyme stuff like the trail obviously#but also some other stuff. not 100% sure though like i said idk shit about this sort of thing but everything in there seems pretty well#labeled its kinda impressive. and very helpful for navigating even if you dont know shit lol.#anyways. 'even the depths of the night cannot blind me' -> blood kelp trench is i think one of the darkest biomes in the game#possibly THE darkest so i thought it would be fitting. probably my least favorite panel though i dont think i did a very good job#representing the area or representing the bloodvines :/#'when you guide me' -> sea emperor but more specifically her messages to the player telling you to 'come here'#'creature only' -> not sure how well i can articulate this but basically the idea of humans beig animals with animal needs to eat and drink#and the idea of being a part of the ecosystem. modern life tends to make us forget that sort of thing but id imagine for ryley being on the#planet would violently remind him of this with things trying to eat him while he has to try to eat things as well. being part of the food#web. 'creature only' because he is only a creature not non-essential systems maintenance chief; but a creature living in an environment and#trying to survive. or something like that. does that make any fucking sense to anyone besides me? whatever.#anyways yapping over 👍
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I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au
this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂
i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl
#ask#anonymous#this is ALSO funny to me bc of 'mad scientist' and 'flower hivemind au' in the same paragraph. it reminds me of an old scrapped idea#i had about where tf the flowers even came from in the first place but i ended up never doing anything w/ it#i've been thinking abt composite au though uag i want to do more w/ it... rip the unfinished refs and one google doc thing i have#shaking myself like ITS OKAY IF THE STORY KINDA SUCKS AT FIRST!! YOU NEED TO START SOMEWHERE#cus i mean i wouldve never gotten anywhere w/ Certain Things had i not started with the og shitty versions. which were SHIT#but its wild to think ~7 years later i transmogrified them into the things they are now. wack. makes me wonder what will happen#to stuff im making now later down the line if i go and revisit it. SO CONCLUSION YES BITCH GET OVER YOUR FUCKING ANXIETY#i think my other problem is i'd loveee to reveal it slowly with like art pieces comics etc but i dont got time for that 😔😔#CURSE WITH LITERALLY EVERYTHING I MAKE TBH not just fandom shit but original shit too. i need to get over myself#cause i do know respectfully not everyone has the skill/time/desire to pick apart things for symbolism so a clearer explanation#would prob be more accessible. and easier for ME TOO TO HAVE SHIT IN ONE FUCKING PLACE MAN. actually how i've been taking notes lately#sorry these are some longass fucking tags im talking to myself. just went into a new academic year w a lot of stress#so thinking abt my own crazy stories keeps me sane and makes me feel like i have control over at least SOME aspect of my life#anyways circling back mad scientist len sounds incredible lowkey though lmao. its always the stem lens 😔💔✌️#JK?? but i do joke abt composite au len partly going insane bc he's a biochem major essentially so yeah bitch i fucking get it 😭 no wonder#composite au#<- ??? putting that tag purely for organizational purposes
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i wish i could make gifs because i have so many ideas for gifsets but the fact of the matter is if i'm not immediately good at something i simply Won't Do It
#askdjfh it seems so daunting i literally would not where to start with even trying to learn#but i have approximately 12 different gifset ideas and they look gREAT in my head lol#ciara things#(but y'know if anyone has any tutorials or w/e hit me up maybe i'll try lmao)
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coming up with such cool worldbuilding ideas that the reader/player will never get to know about. currently trying to figure out how to hide a planet
#just decided definitively that the gods in this setting are lying about a fundamental aspect of the cosmology#which might actually come up in a later book if i ever get around to even finishing the first one!#actually the fact that there are gods trying to hide a planet is part of another lie they're telling#basically i love coming up with cosmologies and coming up with ways for various necessities of a story to make sense#and this world that started as a homebrew game setting fundamentally started with the idea that#the gods are trying hide themselves and their mortals from THEIR gods#which of course. theyre not going to tell the mortals that the Old Gods exist#so. we've started with one lie. which means we've got to tell another one to back it up#until you spiral to the point where im trying to figure out how to hide a planet#im actually thinking now i wont hide the planet i'll just have the gods lie about its significance lmao#if anyone still reading this wants to know more i would LOVE to chatter - talking ideas out helps me develop them!
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yeah that's fine I didn't need my heart anyways
#robin kenji posting#persona 3#kenji tomochika#I was watching a stream and the streamer picked the first option saying ''cheer up man'' which i did not pick on my playthrough#and then i proceeded to die on the inside#I'm. I can't#also the way joe zieja delivered those lines broke me...#HE SOUNDED SO GENUINLY HURT I'M AAAUUGHHH#i'm so ough#there's also the last option to just laugh which is horrible why would you do that#it makes me start to sob on the spot i kid you not#if you don't like this guy thats fine but laughing at his misery????? at his low point???? is way too mean????#honestly ms kanou gives mega sus vibes i don't like her#several ranks kenji begs mc not to tell anyone and then she goes ''he must have been the ones who spread the rumors''#like bitch nah he didn't he wanted it hidden and got scared when it got out#she's an adult and a teacher if she noticed kenji had a thing for her she should not have indulged him#told him ''hey you seem to be getting the wrong idea''#but now she let's him in her house for tutoring gives him her number#and in the femc routes reveals she just has him do her chores essentially#and the maya SL implies she bragged about a student asking her out and even considered it????#ethics teacher my ass get the hell out here#god.#where's my option to hug him atlus he needed one on god#hi i really like kenji can you tell lmao#if you read all this hi hello i hope you have/had a nice day :D
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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Random post game scenario, after of which a towerless Pizzahead tricks Peppino to "let" him work "with" him. First day; and Pepperoni is already completely fed up with the guy!
Pizzahead hates dishes, and WILL break them rather than washing any. ever. this is canon and you CANT CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE
#pizza headed man: blorbo of my brain ☆ blorbo of my heart ♡#i imagined this scenario tbh like the day after i discovered pizzatower i only just drew it now haha#also for the record this is a small scene of my internally imagined post canon ya#pizzahead tricked peppino into being 'buisness partners' and letting pizzer work with pepp (not FOR him- so he cant be fired easily)#and peppino immediatly puts him on dishes duty out of spite and annoyance#problem with one spitefull dude with another even pettier one- is that it cycles#pizzahead never does dishes even in his tower never ever he buys esclusivly paper plates and plastic utensils always#peppino uses glass plates bc washing them is cheaper than constantly supplying more disposable plates#and ofc their ideals clash lmao#its just. so funny !!!#these blorbos... they do such funny things#dorf's art#sketchy doodles#pizza tower#pizzahead#peppino spaghetti#i have so much to say about them haha#feel free to ask about my 'AU' where they work together bc i do have a couple ideas about it i just dunno where to start#pizza tower spoilers
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Extremely random thought for your Wednesday (or Thursday, depending): I just encountered the term alexinomia for the first time and now I'm so so fascinated (and also laughing about the fact that there's unintentionally a name in the term for apprehension of speaking names).
But I've always felt that way? I RARELY use people's names. Rarely. It effects both talking to people and talking about them, but usually only the former. And its more pronounced with people I care deeply about - the more deeply, the less likely I am to use it. As an example, I don't remember the last time I said my partner's name to them and I think the total instances could probably be counted on one hand in the entirety of our ten year relationship.
It's not always a good indicator of affection though, because sometimes I'll push past that deliberately as a mark of emotion. But that's like.... terrifying lmao
There's just something so bizarrely intimate about names??
Since reading it I've been confounded by that element of it being more difficult the closer the person is. I read a few articles and it seems like there are widely ranging opinions on the topic as a whole (wide enough to toss the lot out imo) and for me at least, I don't think it's social anxiety. It doesn't feel trauma based. It's not my shotty memory. It's just... very specific. And it feels about connection.
I was explaining this to my partner and I think I figured it out, at least for me:
Names (any name a person feels intense connection with, given or chosen) feel intimate to me. Period.
And using one feels like striking that intimacy intentionally.
And I'm careful about that.
But I also think (and maybe in weird for this), the way you feel about a person is usually evident in the way you say their name. Not necessarily the inflection or circumstance, although sometimes. Something about the syllables? I don't know. It feels transparent most of the time.
Which, if true for other people, means saying someone else's name is revealing about my own feelings toward them and however much affection is (or isn't) behind it. Which is why people who are closer are often harder. It's more vulnerable. It's easy to say someone's name when, in my mind, they are at arms length, when I don't care about how they receive or how much they reciprocate.
Idk, that's such a strange social phenomenon and now I'm curious if other people experience this too and if it's for the same reason?
Such a bizarre thing.
#alexinomia#the first time I noticed it I was (very young and) dating a guy whose name was handcrafted by a person he loved very much#who he had a complicated relationship with#and saying it felt like touching a nerve to me#being casual about something very not casual#but at the same time I was working with weeklong volunteer teams and in charge of learning (& using) all their names#and that was a deliberate tool we used to make them feel like we cared about them (natural in cases and not in others)#so there was this dichotomy#you see what I'm getting at?#right there in the center?#I think maybe that's where it started#that vulnerability but also the awareness that names are often used manipulatively (even for good) by marketing and hospitality#so choosing not to invoke that#except with deepest intention#getting precious about it but only in those instances?#idk#family is easy#romantic partners are the worst#it feels a bit like the 'touch starved' trope in practice?#but like... for being recognized by a person?#lmao#just fascinated by the whole idea#I have Orla Gartland's More Like You feelings about this btw#the 'switch and thread' and bit about the name specifically#random ruminations#text post#ainulindaelynn
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A nervous ‘Twan from a comic script I had abandoned 👉👈
#sth#antoine d'coolette#Archie sonic#me and my friend are going away today#and I’m leaving my iPad behind so I’ll be AFK for a while#I’d tell you where I am but these canine here is the clue lmao#and the comic idea thingy does link to flights and but I just don’t have the energy to do the 6 Buntoin comics I had started#I didn’t even finish the lyric comic for them from last spring lmao#I did miss drawing this pooch though it was a nice wake up thingy before I get ready to go now#my friends a nervous flier so we really do be feeling fidgety in this chillies tonight#but it’s all good it’s fine#au revoir
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I've been doing so much research for my Fit disability fic (mostly research about prosthetics) and I've been doing a lot of research about hearing aids too, completely forgetting I have an Actual Person In My Life who uses hearing aids who I could straight up ask about stuff.
#i talk#fic talk#one of those things where it's just. so normal I forgot about it. lmao#was literally talking about hearing aids with him for an hour today and then I was suddenly like ''WAIT. IM A FOOL''#<- not really though. everyone's experience is different and more research is never a bad thing#it's just funny that I immediately went ''ah yes let's look at research papers and medical notes and people's lived experience etc.''#instead of being like ''Hey lemme start by asking my Tio a few basic questions''#pftttt#I really hope I finish chapter 2 by Monday I wound up having a good idea and changed a big chunk#I'm excited though! the change makes things even better and fleshes stuff out more#I'm really glad I shared chapter one. Everyone's been so nice and it's giving me even more motivation to work on the fic#I need to speed eat and pass out so I can wake up early (ish) and try to work on it before tomorrow's QSMP event#prayer hands#qsmp talk
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